Charmed: A Witch's Tail Part 1 (5.1)

So we enter 'part two' of Charmed, the half that is almost insufferably shitty. Okay, that's maybe a little unfair. But most of the series did blow chunks from here on out. A Witch's Tail Part 1 isn't totally heinous, but it really promotes the 'new' Charmed's mission statement: More revealing costumes! More whining! More cribbing of existing source material! Gah. So we have another exploration into some kind of magical mythology, this time mermaids. And being Charmed part two, Alyssa Milano is thrown into a cleavage-revealing ensemble midway through the hour. Once more, gah!

Jaime Pressly isn't half-bad as Mylie, and while the story itself is a Disney knock-off, there are at least some attempts to make Mylie's plight sort of endearing. I liked the Sea Hag too, especially the water effects as she splashed onto Phoebe's car. But that fishy minion of Necron's definitely ranks up there with the most shrill and hateful actors to ever appear on Charmed. Shudder.

Elsewhere, our rapidly-vapid Charmed Ones dealt with some annoying personal traumas. Phoebe's ego is stroked throughout the episode, since her career as 'Ask Phoebe' has made her some huge San Fran celebrity. Eye roll. Then there's Leo's insensitive treatment of Piper and her mom's death, ruling Patty irresponsible for dying in battle. Seriously, guy? Paige doesn't get a whole lot to do except walk around in a wet shirt. See again: new mission statement.

Finally, there's the return of Cole. While the story itself is tired, Julian McMahon is so great at playing magnificent bastards that the new incarnation of his character adds some necessary energy to this joint. A Witch's Tail Part 1 is problematic, and Charmed's new direction is more than a little bothersome, but generally this premiere is fine. Dumb, but fine. C

Crimes of Fashion Why is Paige wearing a white evening gown around the house? And should Rose McGowan's nipples get their own spot in the credits from now on? Yeesh.

Credits
Guest stars Jaime Pressly (Mylie); Diane Salinger (Sea Hag); Dan Gauthier (Craig Wilson); Fred Koehler (Minion); Charles Walker (Judge); Judson Scott (Necron); David Reivers (Bob Cowan)
Writer Daniel Cerone Director James L. Conway