Thursday, December 16, 2010

Charmed: The Wedding from Hell (1.6)

One of the funniest things I have ever read online is the Television Without Pity recap for this episode. The comedic genius over there, Demian, entirely tears this god-awful episode to pieces, saving his most intense derision for Sara Rose Peterson, an actress who briefly popped up on a host of '90s shows, in roles which proved strangely memorable. There was Elizabeth Hornswoggle on Friends, Jerry's girlfriend with the hellooooo belly button on Seinfeld, and here as the ridiculously named Jade D'Mon. I always wondered if Demian's recap, in which he dubbed Peterson a 'cancer' upon acting, was responsible for her swift retirement from the industry. She hasn't worked since 1999, and maybe there's a recap-related reason...

While Peterson isn't exactly 'cancerous' as a performer, she is unspeakably awful here. Chewing the scenery with a dead-eyed glare as a vindictive hell-bitch marrying a millionaire to get at his sperm. What we shouldn't forget is that Peterson is just one of a host of reasons why The Wedding from Hell is one of the show's worst ever hours.

The tone the episode appears to be aiming for is a supernatural Dynasty, with an evil bad girl, a repressed matriarch and star-crossed lovers. However, the characterization is so insanely lazy that any campy success is instead rendered unintentionally hilarious. Seriously, every character is just ridiculous. There's the sniveling Jade, the sickly-looking groom with all the sexual allure of a house plant, the shrieky banshee of a fiancée who openly admits to loving Touched by an Angel, the weirdly angry maid of honor, the Omen priest, the worst male stripper in the world, the mother dressed up in outfits Hilary Clinton would deem too butch. It's a cast of truly appalling wonders! Even the demons blow. They literally stand around snarling, just waiting for somebody to vanquish them. Seriously, check it out, it's all they do! Every one of these people needs to be burned alive. The writers too. "This [negligee] should make his assets rise..." Ha ha ha ha ha. No.

It's also entirely noticeable that the episode was held back from its original airdate, since references are made to people like Jeremy and Chef Moore. Piper's maybe pregnant with demon spawn, and is later angry that Phoebe snooped through the garbage to find her pregnancy test. Okay, I normally like Piper, but maybe she shouldn't have just placed that obscenely large pregnancy box right on top of the rest of the garbage? Gahh!!

The Wedding from Hell is one of the worst ever episodes. Or, coming at it from a different angle, the best ever episode. Because it's sure as hell entertaining. And read this recap, too. It'll brighten up your unhappiest of days, for real. F

Guest stars Sara Rose Peterson (Jade D'Mon); Barbara Stock (Grace Spencer); Deeny Consiglio (Kirsten); Neil Roberts (Rex Buckland); Christie Lynn Smith (Allison Michaels); Leigh-Allyn Baker (Hannah Webster); Todd Cattell (Elliot Spencer); Jeffrey Hutchinson (Father Trask)
Writers Greg Elliot, Michael Perricone Director R.W. Ginty

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