So Christy's machinations continue. Sure, if Marnette Patterson had a mustache, she'd be twirling it 24/7. And, sure, the sisters come off as bigger fools than normal by entirely missing the insidious evil hanging out in their own damn kitchen, but the story continues to be pretty absorbing. Everybody's behaving in an unbelievable manner purely to service the script (particularly the strangely-unmoved-by-her-parents'-horrible-murder Billie Jenkins, or maybe that's just the terrible acting), but it's nice to see that forward momentum surfacing again. The only issue is that the Charmed Ones are still wrapped up in their assy personal problems, leaving most of the interesting material in the hands of Patterson and her horribly vacant on-screen sis. Stupid show.
It's all sort of obvious, but I liked Christy becoming more overtly crazy, contriving that Piper is some haggy pyromaniac who wants her dead. Billie, she with the intelligence of a bag of dirt, instantly falls for her goop, but while I'm enjoying Christy's budding madness, Billie's anger at the Halliwells for ignoring her personal traumas and attacking her sister comes off as crazily irrational. Are we supposed to hate her by this point? At least Piper seems to have realized that she's a hideous monstrosity who needs to burn to death in a pool of acid and garbage. That is what she's thinking, right? Or am I just projecting?
As previously mentioned, Paige and Phoebe are distracted by two horrible subplots. Paige continues to be the most tired character on this show and has suddenly adopted an identity crisis, explained away with some vague statements about her personality being compromised by becoming somebody's wife. It's ridiculously nonsensical as a story, and quickly becomes yet another excuse for lazy body swaps of some kind. Sure, Paige is actually inside Henry's head here, but it's still an example of the writers plucking a relationship crisis out of nowhere, having wiccan wackiness ensue, followed by some last-minute 'lessons learned' monologue. They have entirely ran out of ideas.
Elsewhere, Phoebe is involved in her most tedious subplot yet. Coop, while rapidly falling in love with Feebs himself, is intent on setting her up with some newspaper asshole (presumably this show's moral being that it's better to slum it by dating some douche than daring to be gross and single), and what follows is a horrible Cyrano knock-off that is neither funny nor entertaining. Can't they just get together already, and spare us these hairbrained courtship storylines?
The assassination of Charmed is now complete, the writers making the Halliwell sisters the worst thing about their own series. Away from their increasingly hackneyed subplots, however, the Christy saga is weirdly fun... in a 'plothole-ridden, Billie-infested mess' kind of way. D+
Guest stars Marnette Patterson (Christy Jenkins); John Rosenfeld (Pator); Brian Mulligan (Jondar); Ron Melendez (Michael); Ivan Sergei (Henry Mitchell); Victor Webster (Coop)
Writer Andy Reaser Director LeVar Burton