Charmed: The Seven Year Witch (7.16)

Not as teeth-pullingly boring as I remember, but still pretty underwhelming for the 150th episode. The Seven Year Witch is a fangirl shriek in the form of a Charmed hour, full of melodramatic dialogue about Piper and Leo's 'miraculous love' and an annoying Route 66 trial for the big ol' lunk of former Elder. Thank God, then, for Julian McMahon. He doesn't get a whole lot to do, but sparkles with charisma as always, and the script does us all a favor by making him bounce off of Holly Marie Combs and Billy Zane, the only actors on this show right now who don't make you want to reach for lighter fluid and a matchbook.

Cole and Piper have always had a ton of chemistry, and their dialogue here was ripe with catty insults and fun banter. Disappointingly, Cole spends most of his on-screen tenure trying to get Piper to not give up on love, one of the most annoying themes that runs through seasons seven and eight. It turns out that he actually sent Drake into the Halliwell's lives to help Phoebe work through her love issues, and while it's annoying and predictable and once again all about Pheebs, it's a nice little closer for Cole. He's over the evilness, and wants to make sure Phoebe winds up happy in some form. I kind of wish the show didn't put so much emphasis on 'finding a man equals happiness', but I guess it's just the type of regressive sexism that Brad Kern specializes in.

The Leo parts of the episode are crazily tedious, especially the numerous anvils as he goes on an amnesia-leaden quest to find his lost love. I'm also entirely over the Golden Gate Bridge scenes. It looked impressive the first time they did it, but having it become the Elder's hang-out in what feels like every episode just stinks of the show's budget rapidly dwindling. Ugh.

The Seven Year Witch has zero dramatic momentum and frequently tires you out with its monotonous pretensions about love, but I guess its heart is in the right place, and at least Julian McMahon saves it from being a total wash. C

Credits
Guest stars Julian McMahon (Cole Turner); Kathleen Wilhoite (Nadine); John De Lancie (Odin); Elizabeth Dennehy (Sandra); David Wells (Clyde); Brett Rice (Sheriff); Billy Zane (Drake)
Writer Jeannine Renshaw Director Michael Grossman