Nip/Tuck: Everett Poe (5.3)

Eden is an oversexed porno monster, a character so ridiculously implausible that she fails to even work as comic relief. She's so much a walking porno character that she makes the equally porny Kit McGraw look like a Merchant Ivory creation. In her ten minutes on screen this episode, she references blow jobs, anal sex and a black man's ding-dong, calls Sean 'daddy', discusses her hymen and masturbates in public. She's also fine with belittling a pre-teen about her weight. AnnaLynne McCord looks like a porn star and acts like one too, Eden Lord being one of the most absurd things to happen to the series in a long, long time.

But it's not just her. The storyline itself is just so clumsily written. Sean is infatuated with this girl, despite how irredeemably awful she is. Julia claims he's just jealous when Sean brings up his distrust of her, and Olivia seems blindly uncaring of how disgusting her daughter is, destroying her character in the process, too.

Alternately, Matt and Kimber's arrival in Los Angeles was wonderfully played. It's not at all surprising that Matt is once again involved in deep doo-doo, but there was a tragic poignancy to the scene where they both smoked meth. These are two people who should never be together, who are now both gross junkies with a child they seemingly care little about. So damn sad.

Julia's idea to sleep with Christian to get him out of her system is like opening a big can of worms. I never understood why the show would turn the lesbian storyline so quickly into yet another Christian/Julia re-run. Is Julia's sexuality not interesting enough on its own? Gorgeous visuals when they were both on the beach, though.

Once again Nip/Tuck straddles that rough line between serious drama and all-out stupidity. Christian becoming a gigolo and Matt and Kimber's addiction are both so well played that it's crazily jarring to then see ridiculous cartoons like Eden Lord and an embarrassed Paula Marshall shitting in a hot-tub. Sometimes I don't even know where to begin... B-

Credits
Guest stars Portia de Rossi (Olivia Lord); Paula Marshall (Kate Tinsley); Kelsey Lynn Batelaan (Annie McNamara); Susan Blakely (Valerie Farrell); Michael Des Barres (Everett Poe); AnnaLynne McCord (Eden Lord)
Writers Lyn Greene, Richard Levine Director Richard Levine